C.S. Eliot Reviews Everything!
Posing As Sodomite Review
by C.S. Eliot
Closing night: Saturday, February 2, 2019
What can I say about a play that has NO cats in it ?
Maria & Brett thought they could bribe this reviewer with catnip toys and heavy petting.
C.S. Eliot was tempted ... until I did my research.
BERNARD SHAW ???
Posing As Sodomite is a 30 minute play about Oscar Wilde and Bernard Shaw.
They are not cats. They are writers.
Thank Garfield that the director, Karen Polinsky, realized that watching humans write or listening to them talk is not interesting.
Unless they're talking about CATS.
So there's lots of boxing in a boxing ring.
And a song. And a dance.
For those of us with shorter attention spans, four other ten minute plays are included:
Summer School Backstory and A Whole New World by Redmond Reams
Uncivil Disobedience and Incommunicado Bravado by Brad Bolchunos
My comrade and fellow critic, Skipper, is flying in from the coast for closing night as he's heard that the acting, directing and all around production of Maria & Brett's play, Posing As Sodomite, are very professional.
Jonathan Wexler as the caring but clueless Oscar Wilde
Tanner Morton as frustrated, explosive Bernard Shaw
Rob Kimmelman as the absurdist Waiter and Bosie
Gillian Wildfire as the level headed Barmaid and Charlotte
with Brett Campbell and Maria Choban providing music.
Afterward we'll be staying for the 9pm show, I'm a Slut, Sababa by Caitlin Beckwith-Ferguson
" A hilarious, thought-provoking play about sexuality, gender, and feminism in Judaism and Israel."
Hey, Caitlin, you could've had this if auditions were open to cats!
Other shows I'm interested in:
The Bad Hour by Karen Polinsky: No cats, but it has birds!
A "fictionalized version of the January 2016 occupation of the Malheur Wildlife Refuge"
A Holding Tank by Tracey Locke and Wild Bill by Johanna Courtleigh
I saw a table read of Locke's play. Fast, funny, surprising, serious but not sentimental.
Check out ALL the shows at the Fertile Ground Festival of new works!
Over 75 shows!
Check out all remaining PDX Playwrights shows in Fertile Ground!
And when the festival's over, go home and have yourself a loooong nap!
Bell, Book & Candle Review
by C.S. Eliot
Playing through Sunday, December 23, 2018
I finally found the perfect role!
I, C.S. Eliot, knew if given the chance, I could nail the part of Pyewacket the mischief making magic black cat in Bag & Baggage's production of Bell, Book and Candle. Although this play is set in the repressed 1950s with lots of gooey music and Christmas snowflakes, I know that hard core sex SELLS! So I hired a photographer to slut me up.
As the poster for the show, at the top, reflects, I was to be the major lead. So prior to looking at the script, I exhausted myself preparing my Pyewhacko costume. (ed. note: Pyewacket)
Surprised at how few lines Pyecracker actually has after actually reading the script (ed. note: Pyewacket), I nevertheless made the best of it, taking the bold choice of portraying my character as sympathetic to the poor bourgeois schmuck who in the play is surrounded by three New York bitches. (ed. note: witches).
Why did I choose to tickle his fancy instead of scratching him as the script says? Because he’s the only character in the play who could afford to buy me kibble, because he’s the only one who has a job!
Long spells of gossip, pranks, hurtful manipulations of the man I secretly love . . . and suddenly I understood why Pyeinyourface chose to breakout of this vicious circle and run away. (ed. note: Pyewacket)
Oops. Did I let the cat out of the bag?
Do you know where this interpretation of Pyebegone got me??? (ed. note: Pyewacket) NOWHERE! I wasn’t even called in to audition!
Do you know who they cast instead of ME ???
The most wooden - NO! Worse than wooden! -- STYROFOAM actor I have ever seen!!!
Take it from me, buddy, no amount of alcohol will loosen you up!
Hurt as I am by yet another example of theater favoritism, as a Thespicat, I empathize with this cat. Apparently hoping to save embaressment, the production would not name him in the Cats and Crew credits (ed. Note: CAST and Crew).
He didn’t even get a Curtain Call!
Buy your tickets to Bell, Book and Candle NOW! And be sure to register your complaint after the show. Or before the show.
Maybe something like this:
“Why didn’t you cast C.S. Eliot in the role of Pyeinthesky?” (ed. note: -- oh, never mind).
Until next time,